I’m just not there, in the streets.

I am in a cut&paste mood.

Seems like, streetlights, glowing, Seems like moments, passing

Feel like going out with Cristina. Being who I am when with her. Who is not someone different, just… someone who… can flip out and be crazy and we’re laughing all the time, and talking in funny voices. The type of person I would go stalking some random person with, or imagine a whole life for a stranger, or put eyeshadow on when going out with. All downtown.

Or feel like dancing with Sharna. And her friends, none of whom I know. Maybe Nita? Was that her name?

There must be something more out there. I want to see it, before I no longer have time to grow. What if I run out of time?

Wish I had my scrapbook. Wish I could go out, and get one. I’d walk, even. Feel like ripping my way through paper, and creating something else. Saying: Your art is nice, but; here, look – you just take this, and if you do this to it, and add it on to this – see?

And it was funny to go back to Antoine, and see Lopes&Nica. It is funny, how much those two know me before I do. Even Nica: she is like Lopes, but on mute. She sees just as much, but chooses not to tell the students as much. And Lopes introduced me to another teacher as a ghost, as a friend. “Yeah… a friend.” I always feel guilty when I see Lopes, or talk to her. She always asks about me, and even if I ask about her life, she never says much. What kind of friend is that? Friendship is not meant to be lopsided.

Je sais pas.

J’en finis là.