Yom Kippur/Ramadan

so it is currently 10:49pm and I have an essay due at 11:59 tonight and I am currently at 524/1250 words so I have more than half left to do and I am thinking that jumping off a bridge is looking very appealing right now but taking a shower is more tempting would be the saner way to go.

So.

Shit.

typetypetype. typetype. type. typetypetypetype.

for one more day

Had a toasted bageul + nutella and fried bacon this morning. Mmm. Baconnn. I have a theory that, as other kids go out and destroy their bodies with alcohol&drugs, I am causing my own slow annihilation by eating unhealthy food at unhealthy hours.

This makes me feel like I should be taking much better care of my body, which then leads me to think that I should be doing something more with my life. I’m not waiting for something amazing to happen, but that wow factor seems to be missing from it, right now. What do I have to look forward to right now? … nothing, really. Summer? But then what?

I’ll figure something out. Occupy my brain with summer jobs. See people grow up. See the world pass by through a scratched bus window. See if I can get out of this hamster cage. Figure out what my values are. Rummage through my room, clean out all the things I should have thrown away a long time ago.

It’s 12h15, and I should already be at the library. I need to get ready and outta hurr. (:

Morning, world.

It’s 9h52.

Guess who woke up at 9h35 because her cellphone was ringing?

Guess who was texting her from class?

Guess who was texting her from a class I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ATTENDING?!

Oh. Shit.

Went to bed at 3h30. Hadn’t finished doing my Compte Rendu of Oscar et la dame rose because… well, no. I will not make up excuses. I had it all written in my essay exercise book, but for some reason, I didn’t write it up when I got home from work.

OH YES WORK.

It was my first day hier soir. Pas si pire… Placed a lot of clothes, did a lot of cash, so I didn’t mind. Ma gérante m’a dit que samedi, I might be really stressed because the other girls might ask me to do this&that during the rushes. Pas pour faire chier, but because they need a helping hand. Lilian: don’t fuck up/be a tool. lol

So shleepy. I’m going to… finish Oscar? Argh. OUANT. MOAR. SHLEP.

Where the hell does she get all that energy from!?

Date | Monday, April 13, 2009
Weather | teasing weather; makes me think we’re summertime, makes me think I don’t have to do homework
Mood | Soft legs, soft sheets, can’t wait to snuggle in.
This day was 83% good and 25% bad.
Song of the Day | Empire of the Sun – We are the People

Best thing that happened :

Conversation at the end of the night: sex ed on Easter Monday with Wi&Coco. Wow. No words can describe the hilarity that ensued in that danger zone triangle trio.

Worst thing that happened :

NOT. DOING. ANY. HOMEWORK. Srsly, do you know how completely screwed I am? I had four days to work on all of my essays. Do you know how many I have finished? ZILCH, BABY. De plus, I didn’t even catch up on sleep. I am so exhausted, and just… argh. Can’t believe it. What an idiot, wasting so much time. I need to get my life back on track. (If it ever was.) I need to stop putting so many ‘I’s everywhere.

Here are 3 little things that made me feel A WHOLE LOT better :

1. icon shopping galore
2. eating a lot of Mr. Noodles with Vi
3. getting a camera O: Il me reste à payer le deuxième centdollares. Esperons que je le perd pas illicopresto.
4. olive oil legs. I OUANT TO WEAR SHORTS TOMORROW TO CELEBRATE.
5. discovering empire of the sun//listening to a lot of empire of the sun
6. watching The After Show. I secretly like watching it, even if it discusses stupid airhead stuff. Dan Levy rocks my boat socks.
7. making a 100 list. I’ll post it up here onedaysoon.
8. having nutella toast this morning
9. new pair of bra+underpanties(:
10. watching way too much Rove (australian talk show) on Youtube

l

l

l

The strangest thing that happened was :

Out of the blue, my cell rings and I do a double take at the name: it is Marco, and Amanda will tell me later that it was a booty call.

It wasn’t. I am sure it was just one of those things where he felt like randomly calling me up, just ’cause. Boff, c’était correcte. I have the ability (or inability?) to be awfully unaware of awkward silences, so while I am sure there were some during the fifteen minutesorso we were talking, I was blissfully spared the suffering that often accompanies such moments. Yey.

Food Challenge :

Basically: I am failing horribly, and quite often forget I am participating in a challenge until I am on my last bite of whatever snack I am on. Bravo.

11:11!!

21:03:38

Ark. Je suis que trop découragée. Problèmes chez moi. Des fois ça arrive que je pense qu’ils n’apperçoivent pas à quel point ça me dérange quand ils s’engeulent. Même après, quand ils ne sont plus dans la même pièce, j’arrive à penser qu’à ça. Des injustices dans le monde. C’est trop drama mon affaire, mais je n’y peux rien. Juste comme ça, j’ai soudainement le goût de revoir François. Pas pour lui raconter ce que j’ai sur le coeur, mais justement pour parler de d’autre chose, de n’importe quoi, pour faire distraction. J’aurais donc dû rester au IGA.

… En tout cas. Ca change pas grand chose, vivre dans le passé.

J’ai un essai à écrire et à envoyer pour minuit, et je l’ai pas vraiment fini. En fait, je l’ai pas commencé, mais c’est seulement un first draft donc c’est pas si pire. Je suis très fatiguée, et mettons que ça me dérangerais pas du tout d’aller me coucher toute suite parmi mes draps et coussins.

I have stopped counting. Minimacrotiny update!

I went into my computer to work.

I am procrastinating.

I am icon shopping.

I am suddenly craving…

a photoshootage. (:

Can’t wait to get my camera tomorrow!

(Just have to get money out of the bank. Who cares! I went Easter Egg hunting for two hours today with my dad and my sister, and I will be doing another one at school on Tuesday! YES, YES, TRIPLE TIMES YES!! I can not wait. <3)

mood |

BEDA8: 12:51

D a t e | Thursday April 09, 2009
W e a t h e r | better. almost warm. was raining at one point, but I’ll talk about that more later.
M o o d | My room is really warm because the heater just went on, and I very much want to cuddle between my sheets and dream of sweet things, but instead I am here, writing to your eyes who have not heard from me for more than twentyfour hours. Sorry. D: I didn’t turn the computer on yesterday and… I’ll explain better in the second section.
This day was 83% good and 12% bad.
Song of the Day | Wade Johnston – Tip Jar (Hi.)

(It is a ukulele song, very sweet, true story, nice voice, quiet.)

B e s t thing that happened :

Going Jumbo-ing.

W o r s t thing that happened :

I hate people who hover and try to think up of things to say to try to get a conversation going. Sometimes, I have very little patience.

Here are 3 l i t t l e things that made me feel A WHOLE LOT better :

1. Josh + soda
2. Sharna suddenly grabbing my shirt, thereby flashing the guys. (Other than Jaymie who was sitting behind Sharna and was hidden by the whole ‘wardrobe malfunction’. Josh&Chris certainly got an eyeful though, loll)
3. I have a gnome & thunderbolts on the back of my cellphone, and it looks amazing. No joke.
4. Messing around in Crime&Punishment.
5. Talking with Sam at the library.
6. Talking in the lightest of rains with Azeem, Jaymie, Brad and Chris about whether we should walk the bridge or not.
7. Roundhousekickfives.
8. Power house pound-its.
9. Nam texting me: “Why are you at the pizza place with a posse?” Made me (:
10. Talking of expansion with the Thursday gang: exploring the possibilities beyond the pizza place. What other restaurants to go to? What other hangout spots?
11. Valerie kissed me. It was baconlove.
12. Getting my ‘uniform’ from smart set. Hudjabadijaja. I am working next Thursday (damn, no jumbo for me. D: ) and Saturday.
13. Signing Jaymie’s shoes
14. I am so tired so gnightkthnx.

The s t r a n g e s t thing that happened was :

Valerie + bacon.

Food Challenge :

Failed: got home at 9h30, when I had dinner.

Same thing last night.

God I am craving fooooooooood. How did I resist?!

g’night pompeii.

Sesamum Indicum

Jumbo Thursday!

blah.

No, wait. Let me explain.

I really enjoy Jumbo Thursdays. I like how happy everyone feels, even if they are not smiling. Because you know it is there, but just around the bend. And that it is on the very tip of their tongues. I like the people. I like how we are comfortable with each other. Not in the sense that we know all of each other’s secrets, because that is not at all how it is. It is like everyone is on the same playing field. I do not know how else to put it, but I like to think it takes a certain type of person to attend a Jumbo Thursday. If the wrong person were to tag along, I might just claw my eyes out, crying and refusing to go. It just would not be the same, et c’est justement parce que there is not feeling of ‘tagging along’. No one feels left out. Everyone gets along. There are no disagreements. The biggest one we run into is ‘Who will get that last slice?’, and it is always solved by everyone holding onto a piece of the pizza and pulling at the same time. And no one argues, and it is nice. (: I like how no one complains about ‘needing to find a boyfriend’ or ‘ark, chuis trop laide’ or ‘oh my godde, I’m so fat’. Because I swear, the next time I hear that, I am not objecting. I am so sick of hearing that, so sick of girls looking at themselves objectively in front of the mirror and searching for compliments. I will no longer dish them out. Kthnx. With the Jumbo gang, it is nice because it is all laughs, and you do not have to worry about all the gossip crap or backstabbing that can go on. I approve. I like.

Jumbo Thursdays = Sanity.

 

 

 

Sometimes it bothers me that I am not sure who does or does not read this. I will find myself wondering what I can or cannot put on here, when I really should not have to. This is supposed to be ‘my’ place – why should I censor what I have to say? I will get the urge to write about something, but find myself backspacing it all at the end of the day because I do not want the wrong eyes to find it. Or having to carefully choose my words, in case they are misinterpreted. It sucks.

  I have not been able to do homework for the past four nights, and it sucks. I am so behind it isn’t even funny, but the worst part is the degree to which I am tired. My mood, I think, is very much dependant on the moment. I was okay in Research Methods, drunkhappy in Crime&Punishment, vamped out in Music, drained after school, then somehow reenergized by the time we got our two jumbo pizzas.

You know, Josh is a really nice guy. He always surprises me when I am feeling down, and does something considerate which makes me think that the world is not such a shit place. He is the type of person who picks up on what someone mentions once, remembers, and silently gets it for them. No chance to object—he does not give you the chance. And the gestures are small, but meaningful, and it is nice. (: Thanks, Josh. I will thank you again on Tuesday. I will try to figure out a way to thank you, properly. I will figure out what you want, and not give you the chance to object. … no sexual favours, kthnx. LOL.

I have been feeling plutot blah ces jours-ci. Neither depressed, nor ecstatic. Just a particular shade of indifference. I hope that, once I figure out what I want, everything will fall back into place, and that I will be back to my old self again.

But

Who is my old self?

Analyzing Lel

According to you, I will never get out of Brossard alone.

According to you, I think too much.

I KNOW I overanalyze. I KNOW I subconsciously try to figure out the underlying meaning of everything. I can not help it. Believe me? I would try not to, but that would require me to shut off completely. How do I not act that way? Je sais pas. J’essaye de vivre dans le présent, et moins dans la passé ou le future. Mais c’est dur, mehn.

I am no more convinced of the words than I was before.

Sometimes it is a little confusing.

But in the moment, it is always right.

I could do with some o’ this. ;D

*dies*

BEDA7: Cold fingers

D a t e | Tuesday, April 07, 2009
W e a t h e r | windy au BOUTTE! (25km/h)
S u n  r i s e | 6h22  s e t | 7h29
M o o d | It is most unpleasant to type while your fingers are frozen and have seemingly forgotten how to perform mundane tasks – such as typing.
This day was 80% good and 8% bad.
Song of the Day | The Libertines – Don’t Look Back Into the Sun

B e s t thing that happened :

spending the day?

W o r s t thing that happened :

not having heat in my room

I have not done any school work for the past three nights, not counting this one. I THINK IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO GET MY BRAIN BACK INTO MOTION, DON’T YOU? April = doomsdaymonth.

Also: my sister&I accidentally revealing to my dad (through a series of jokes) that his memory is … not what it used to be. ): Teasing aside, I hope he doesn’t feel too bad about it.

Here are 3 l i t t l e things that made me feel A WHOLE LOT better :

1. Going to the girl’s washroom with Josh. Going into stall next to Josh. Continuing conversation with Josh until he says he can’t hear me over the pee. Getting out of stalls with Josh; washing hands. Josh commenting on the cleanliness of the girl’s bathroom; girl/stranger walking into girl’s bathroom. Josh and I laughing our asses off.
2. A girl forgot her umbrella on the bus, so I ran out after her and gave it back.
3. Lunch with Josh, Sasha, Mass, Francisish
4. Playing cowboy with des attaches duo-tang and an agricultural pocketknife
5. Actually having a good, consistent laughs around the dinner table.
6. Sharing sweets with Vi
7. I was walking a couple steps up from a security guard at Champlain, and when we got the doors, I opened it and let him pass through first. And he insisted: “Ben non, c’est toujours les femmes en premier. (:” and I was like; O: why aren’t you half your age and a student here? loll It was then that it struck me that real men – real gentlemen – are hard to find. They don’t make them like that anymore, lol

The s t r a n g e s t thing that happened was :

Getting lots of stares in Law class. Lykhiyeah I know I’m not registered here, but no need to gawk like I’m a llama at Place Portobello.

Gaspard says: MMMMKAY BETCHES?

Food Challenge :

Something Winsane&I are going to do together.

*        winsane    (L)(ap) says (12:20 AM):
LOL
i think
we should make a challenge.
moi aussi jsuis trop gourmande
let’s limit our day to:
-breakfast
-lunch
-a snack
-supper
-a snack (before 9pm)

Rule : Fruits&Veggies don’t count as snacks. If we need brainfood after 9pm, it will have to be fruits&veggies.

D: I already feel like I’m two squares behind the ‘Go/Start’ box on the gameboard. I’m off the damn thing, even. Well, if Winsane will do it with me… I suppose things will turn out okay. And if they don’t…

HEY, GIMME THE UN. LOL.

My wallet is sad D:

Let us review the facts:

• Cahier ligné | - 3$
• Sony Cybershot | - 200$
• Smart Set uniform clothes | - 85$
• Oscar et la Dame Rose | - 14,02$
• Stapler | - 2,57$
• Last IGA paycheck | + 80$
• File Folder | - 1,70$
• Two pens (LOVETHEM. FROM DOLLARAMA. LOVE THEM.) | - 1$
• Money back for school supplies | + >500$
• Tax stuff | + who knows$

I would go on but I can’t remember much right now because it is WAY TOO LATE AND I WANTED TO GO TO BED BY TWELVE. WINSANE: NEW RULE! GO TO BED BY 1AM EVERY NIGHT. AMEN.