official ‘boysareidiots’ week.

I kind of want someone who can keep up with me.

I know I have mood swings; I know how I can be happy one moment, and sad the next.

I want someone who asks if I’m okay, instead of saying that I don’t seem like myself lately.

I want someone who asks me about my day, and actually WANTS to know. Don’t ask if you don’t want to hear.

Okay, okay. So he’s better than most.

But Nathan, Marco&Charles just keep bumpercar-ing their way back into my life right now, and I just want to shove them out.

I don’t know what I want; all I know is that I can’t wipe that stupid smile off my face, even when my dad disses him.

Analyze me to bits; ask me follow-up questions. I want a serious conversation. Is it selfish to say that I want it to be about myself? That I want you to find out about me?

I’ve been missing people lately. Nathan; who sometimes shows up in Mass’s writing. Shannon; who messaged me on FB, and who I miss like fuck. Amanda; who showed up for two seconds at school, and who I wish had stayed around for a bit longer until I realized she was there for someone else. (Then I just wanted to get away.) Winsane; who uniqueness me manque, especially in a whirlwind of complicated people. I could do with a dose of non-bullshitting simplicity.

I have a business assignment to do for tomorrow. I’m thinking… I should start it. But fuck business?
Je sais que c’est pas la bonne attitude, mais j’ai tendance a sécher mes cours ces temps-ci. It’s so unlike the old me, who flipped every time someone else skipped classes.

I need to figure things out.

We’re only lesbians when ugly guys hit on us.

(I think.)

Acetone Free.

New gameplan:

Because I’ve procrastinating too much, I decided to put Little Miss Sunshine on while I clean my room. That way, I can’t go on YouTube, or chat, or do anything else computer-related that might distract me.

Plus, I’m missing blue skies and fresh faces.

Here we go. (:

♥

Dibs. [bite-sized]

Today is cleanup day in the Lilan household. … at least, in my household; the bedroom. I know I have a gym assignment due tomorrow that I already got an extension on, but my room is just killing me.I’m just hoping that by the time I’m done, I’ll still have enough things on my desk to inspire blog titles.

PS: I’m wondering why it feels so weird to be back in front of my computer. I think it’s because the last time I was on it, it was Wednesday night/Thursday morning.

PPS: I’m turning over a new leaf, and trying to feel my way into a healthier lifestyle. I’ve got the ‘fruit-salad-every-day’ thing down. Any other suggestions? This kind of makes me wish I had an exercise machine//stability ball at home. I’m thinking… drinking more water and spending less time on the computer can’t hurt. Also; is that a mosquito bite on my shoulder?!

h e a l t h y.

Why my friends rock.

.winsane© says (11:01 PM):
why?
Mey says (11:01 PM):
ewwy
.winsane© says (11:01 PM):
oh.
CEST BON
.winsane© says (11:02 PM):
TAS TU DEJA GOUTÉ
Mey says (11:02 PM):
es fucked up
.winsane© says (11:02 PM):
moi je trippe.

Driger.*

*Anyone else remember Beyblade? No? Anyone know if it’s still playing? No?

Driger, trigger SCHMIGGER.

It didn’t work.

My teacup is cold

and I’m procrastinating.

I haven’t written a single word more on my humanities essay.

Urgh.

ALTHOUGH!

I’m working on another 50 things. Working on a different approach to it though; we’ll see how it goes. (:

URGH. IT’S TWO HOURS LATER. WORKDAMMIT.

Stupid tea. D:

PS: I just want you guys to experience the 0:50 to 0:56 of this twominute:fourtyeightsecond video. My dad used to have those glasses. ohgod.

PPS: I feel like I’ve been lacking in pictures/color lately. I’d rectify that problem, but honestly, I don’t know which icons/pictures I would put here. SOYAH. Nxtplz.

30 seconds

is the time I have to tell you guys what I have to say, before the water stops boiling&I add sugar&milk to my tea and I get down to work. (Because I’m trying this ‘trigger’ thing which is supposed to help me study. Basically, every time I concentrate on work, I use a trigger (ex: drink tea. pink my arm right beside the elbow. touch the lobe of my ear. w/e.) and then when I find I keep procrastinating, I just use my usual trigger and, VOILA! CONCENTRATE. Sounds like absolute bullcrap to me, but my dad says it works. What do I have to lose anyways?)

So I’m letting the tea bag sit for 45seconds so I can tell you guys s’more.

I know some of you guys must be wondering this, so I’ll just go ahead and answer the question straight away: Right now, I’m wearing skin colored (high end name) tights, blk&white (emo) knee-high Ardene socks, 14$WalMartUggs, black&gray fabric short shorts from Taiwan, and an ex’s old shirt. It doesn’t smell like him anymore. I look ridiculous, but I’m comfy. (:

Now if only I didn’t have to finish writing my humanities&philoh essay. :/

I have shitloads to do tomorrow, including

• work on philoh essay
• attend Becca& Jacob/Brad/Charlie’s Conspiracy Theories class
• go to Mail Champlain (for Zara)
• go to Dix30 (for shitloads of other things – including drop my CV in to Indigo. ♥♥)
• work on bodyfitness assignment. D:
• get motivated/healthy/concentrated.

PS: (my tea is ready)
I don’t know if this is just me, but do you guys also hate it when hairdressers always insist on showing your new hair from all angles with a mirror? I feel like they’re being pretentious&showing off, like: “LOOK AND WHAT I HAVE DONE WITH YOUR ONCE MOUSY ‘DO! TELL ME HOW GOOD IT LOOKS!!” I know it’s supposed to show you what it looks from the back and to get your overall approval of the look, but honestly… if they have messed up, it’ll be too late to fix anything by the time they show you the back. And it’s not like you can see anything when they do it; if the mistake is big, they would have seen it themselves and fixed it already. If it was small, they you wouldn’t be able to make it out through the double mirrorage. Every time I see them reaching for the mirror, I always think: “Oh here we go. =_= Time to put my happy face on.” IT’S A TRIM, FOR CHRISSAKE. JUST LEMME GET OUT OF THIS CHAIR AND PAY YOU& GTFO. I always feel obligated to smile and be all; “OHWOW. SO NICE. I’M SO HAPPY. SMILE. SMILE. TIP. WHEE.”

Urgh.

Needless to say, I got a haircut on Sunday and I’m not all pleased with how short the lady cut my bangs. :/ BELOW THE EYEBROW, NOT ABOVE!

Value Size.

Are we all leaves, in the process of falling? The wind may sway us, may even sweep us far away from home… but we will always reach our end; the ground.

Bury me six feet under: I hope I have been able to remain happy.

I’m currently in an in-between mood. I just got off work, and feel great because of that. I worked with Katherine, Thomasz, and PierOli ce soir. It was hilarious; I kept making faces at Katherine who was over at la courtoisie, Thomasz&I talked N3rdSp34k, and … LOL@PierOli. We kept throwing things at each other (like bunched up plastic bag handles, elastics, etc.) and jokingly calling the other incompetent if they flimsied over bags, etc. It was good, I liked it. (: Not to be over-analytical, but I think our relationship is based on making faces/teasing remarks, rather than actual conversations. I like it better that way. I feel like we would be restricted otherwise, because of our shyness&pseudolanguagebarrier. He’s taken to lightly tapping or knuckling me in the back as he passes me by. I think it’s hilarious, because it always feels like he’s holding back, afraid to hit me too hard. I mean, the guy is gigantic, lol. I’m just not that breakable. (:

On the other side of the spectrum, however:

The subject of my future has not come up anywhere, but that does not mean to say I haven’t been thinking about it recently. I know that I love to write, but lately I’ve been wondering more&more where that simple ‘want’ will take me. It isn’t as if I can be more specific: I don’t think I have a writing style, any original ideas for books… all I can do is write on here, and honestly? I don’t know why you people tune it to read this crap. It’s garble; anyone can write about their lives. Not everyone can write a successful book, and oh how I wish I could say that was one of my accomplishments. I’d like to say that I have time to think about what I want to do for the rest of my life, but when I think about it, I am going to university in a year and a half.

It’s funny though… I can’t really see it. Maybe not yet, maybe not at all? University is fuzzy to me… I don’t know if I want to go, even though I know I’m expected to. … It’s the first time I’ve ’said it aloud’, admitted it, even given the notion thought. What will happen if I don’t go to university? I want to get somewhere in life; isn’t uni the way to go, then? I don’t expect all the answers to fall into my lap and for my destiny to fall into place, but

…

but.

I got distracted by an amazing (metaphorical) conversation with Winsane and now I don’t feel like rambling on.

KayGnight. (:

Vein.

I spelt it right.

And he read it and said: “Okay, now I’m impressed.”

I think my heart skipped a beat and went straight to heaven.

I’m far from in love; I’m just happy that I was finally able to sit down and get some pages of writing out, and ecstatic that he thought I w as on the right track.

It was good, writing it, and I pat myself on the back when I printed it out. I think I might use the library after school more often, in the future.

Today was the first day in a long time where I didn’t feel like, in order to avoid being fucked in the ass by homework, I would have to start working the moment I got through the front door.

But it’s funny; today was also the first day in a long time where I felt like riding out the wave of inspiration, and pulling my books out as soon as I got home.

☺

DeadHeadSoup.

I’m so tired, it’s not even funny.

Went to bed at 3

Woke up at 4h30

Got up at 6h30

School until 3h30

Work from 4h30 to 9h

Just got home (10h).

At school;

• english lit. was canceled; so I worked on Philoh@the librah
• I studied for humanities in business
• poli sci was fantastic; laughed with David, passed notes with Christina
• also;
• business partner assignment back; fuck it doesn’t pay to be nice.
• polisci exam back; 83%, byatch. I still want David to help me for the next one though. :/

At work;

• Kevin#2 was working. Got him to give me an almond. (A lady had dropped some all over, and he was cleaning it up in front of my caisse.)
• Jo was working. Gave him an almond.
• Anthony was working. Gave him funny looks and called him son. (“Whaddup son?”)
• Chris was working; I spent my 15min break with him @the prêtàmanger section. He’s hilarious when he squints.
• Marie-Pier was working; we bonded.
• also;
• I cried, at one point. At la courtoisie. I was serving a customer, and I just started crying. Not sobbing, mind – my eyes just felt so tired that they kept watering&watering. I was like; wtf? D:
• also;
• Je pense que j’ai servi un célèbre Québécois? Messemble que j’ai vu sa face around on magazines from CoucheTard, but I really don’t know. I hardly keep up with english mags – let alone des revues french.

At home;

• budget problems –> talking about Fido dollars, how I should manage my money, etc. Lots of attitude thrown around; and then at me. Wtf. I just want peace and quiet?

Moral of the story;

Although I’m deadfucked tired.

I love work

And I wouldn’t skip it for the world. ♥

a) 03338314604 : the code for the box of clementines wasn’t working. Had to enter it by hand. I love long codes.
(03338314604 ; box of clementines. 03338313025; 5g oranges. 033312513; 3g oranges.)

b) self explanatory. See: ‘fuckmei’mtired’.

c) I do. Just ’cause I feel kind of shit inside. :/ (see B.)

d) working on philoh; According to A, life is like a dartboard; where there are more chances of missing than of getting the bull’s eye. It’s all about maintaining an equilibrium, and not aiming to an extreme; aim to find that comfortable middle ground. (:

My playlist, recently?

• Metric – Empty
• On repeat during bus rides, at the library.
• Metric – The police and the private
• See; metric – empty. Same conditions, only this is my backup for when I want a ‘change of pace’ from empty.
• Carly Rae Jepson – Tug of War
• on repeat in the morning; when I’m waking up. (v. bad idea by the way; I always fall back asleep.)

Shop list;

• booksgalore.♥
• sweater? D:
• vest. B)
• plaintshirts ;D
• EARPHONES, BLOODY EARPHONES.
• a life. (sigh)
• brahsplz.
• socks?

We’ll see if I come to school in PJs tomorrow.

(Fuck history. Health > Education.)

Goodnight, Pompeii.

Elasticity is key.

Tomorrow, I don’t plan on living with regret.

I’m strapping my heels on,
Wearing a little liner&gloss,
Slipping into my fanciest underwear,
And leaving the kiddy tee’s at home.

Tomorrow is truth day.

Life is too short; do what you want.

I hate pausing to think, stuck between decisions.

I’m acting on instincts tomorrow, no matter what anyone says.

Who knows? I might even tell him I like him.